Holiday pt. 2

Before I start, I'm just going to talk about what I was just thinking. I was about to leave the house, following a slurry of feelings in the form of what people call "fomo". In these times, it's a good life lesson to not try to return to the place where 'everyone' was, last night. They're not as likely to return. Some of them may have drank too much. It's all a fleeting thing. You've been in these places before, you'll be there again. The truth is that I probably just want to go outside. Maybe I want to socialize because that hasn't been as much of an option this year. Anyway, it's good that I'm here. I've got stuff to do.

I wanted to follow up on the previous post about my Holiday Special video. I think I mostly gave an explanation of "Why" and not so much "How" etc like I was originally intending. Plus, by the time I wrote that one I was kind of distracted by TV and getting tired. I also didn't even talk about there was an entirely separate "animated" portion to the project.

First of all, I guess I haven't discussed much of why I use the "vhs" style. That could be its own entry, but to be brief, the reason I continue to use it is just because it's what's available to me. I could also easily use my phone, as I have in the past, but I guess using a camcorder just adds a sense of ambiguity. It also kind of gives me license to let the video have certain faults that would be harder to get away with if the video was more "clean". 

Again, I just typed out a bunch of stuff and realized that I really ought to reserve an entry for the specifics of how I work with my camera. Plus it would've been boring in this context.

Anyway, I think I was just kind of in-and-out of confidence while I was making this. One day, I wrote down all the ideas I had for it, and immediately after that I was like "nevermind". Then, in the next couple of days, I was laying down and thought about it again and got up and immediately started making it. I think that shows itself in the video. I was on the fence with "what the hell am I talking about?" I think the only thing that I said that I was able to improvise, that I still find funny, was the thing about writing to Santa with a sheet of college-ruled notebook paper. Other than that, I kind of cut out more of this subplot of me being in a bad mood. Pessimistic. Right before the best take of that joke was more stuff about how this year sucked. So, really a lot of this is just me trying to strike a very intentional balance of "I'm being 100% serious" and "I don't want to alienate people" all while hosting a holiday special. Plus it's just a funny character trait, to see someone who is supposed to be publicly jubilant have something darker seeping out of the cracks or whatever.

I still feel like I'm talking about "Why". So I'm probably going to stop there.

I am surprised at the response. Any response is probably a good one, at this point, but I liked that people quoted some of the stuff from the video. That's tight. This was the only video I've made in a long time where I was genuinely worried about whether anyone would "like" it. Like I said, this video is a ritual. That's why I make things like this. I'm hoping to evoke a spirit. That can mean I'm just trying to motivate myself to keep going. My own spirit. It can mean that I'm trying to inspire even a chuckle from anyone who sees it. It can mean I'm literally praying to Santa Claus. That's what I mean by evoking spirits. Don't misunderstand me.

Oh yeah. I think my original idea for the "animated" sequence would've made the whole thing more linear. Maybe too linear. Too much. It was going to begin with a sequence of me, live action, drifting off into thought talking about spending Christmas alone, or something. It would've somewhat been an unavoidable reference to Squidward's "Alone" sequence. Then, as I drift through this vague realm of thought, I would meet this Gift character. I would tell him how and why I'd been "alone". How I've missed my "friends and frequent collaborators". (The joke being the insistent use of the entire phrase "friends and frequent collaborators".) Then, the gift would assure me that there's nothing to worry about. He'd remind me that if my "friends and frequent collaborators" don't want to spend time with "me" then they're probably not particularly good "friends and collaborators" or something like "maybe they've got other stuff going on" or whatever. Something grounded. Something general. Finally, he'd just kind of assure me that there's more "friends etc" out there that will be there for me, and he sends me back, where I'd snap out of it and continue hosting the show.

It's a little bit too heady, and probably vaguely personal. It's not the worst idea, but I ultimately decided it would be better if it's had a snappier delivery and resolved itself fairly quickly.

Also, this is very much intended "limited" animation. I like the idea that I'm not shooting for the moon with it, or whatever. I just wanted to get this little exchange across. Plus it's a "thought" realm so no one's really "speaking" or doing anything that isn't just floating. It's a static, dream-like state. I'm glad it got me attempting to animate in any capacity. It can be done. I want to make more, and I should make more.

In both portions of this project, I just used this microphone that I got to be plugged into my phone. I know audio is a big thing for people, but I tend to want to stay away from the aural arts as much as I can. I could've dramatized things in a more effective way. I mean I could've been a better actor/voice actor but my "acting" is intended exclusively to serve my purposes.

I think that's all. Just ask me about stuff if you've made it this far and want to know anything. Ask me anything. Don't guess. I'm still flesh and bone!

Damn, I'm the corniest kind of adult.

Holiday Special

(Note: this post is somewhat disorganized, but I hope it makes sense.)

I made another "holiday special".

This is the third in a series of videos I put out this year in which I'm hosting, again, a "holiday special".

The first one, I made on the night of New Years Eve last year. The week before I made it, I tested positive for Covid, so I was sick for the whole week following Christmas Eve. Outside of being sick, I was actually enjoying this period of time because I still had access to the studio where we were filming the Cool Winners Show. I'd been going there to paint and work on things, in general. I was feeling somewhat better on New Years Eve, and I was debating on going to a party that a lot of my friends were going to. Ultimately I decided not to. It was a combination of not wanting to go somewhere while I still sort of felt shitty and I think I also just wanted to be by myself. I sat in the studio for a while, I think I was finishing a painting I was kind of excited about. As I was working on it, I kind of had the beginnings of the idea to make a "New Years Eve Special". Originally the concept was "What if they gave ____ a holiday special", like someone who just absolutely shouldn't be in charge of hosting or bringing in the New Year. Like, how shitty would that be?

Once I was done painting, around 5 or 6, I decided to just go for it. I got up and started gathering stuff. It was like a snowball, this idea that was just a "what if" just started gathering elements and gaining momentum. I started pacing around the studio, thinking of props and materials. I set up the vhs-c camcorder on a table, decorated a fake "set" with items, looked for a costume, and started thinking of things to say. 

I'll save the rest of that explanation for a later time, regarding the first video. The important thing was that this video gave me a set of rules and it set a standard for a specific "type" of video. I came up with the idea, filmed it, edited it, and finished at around 3 in the morning.

The next month, I made a Valentine's Day video, in the same style. All in one "sitting", filmed on the day of the actual holiday, and released at some point the next day. I began one for St. Patrick's Day, the next month, but this was around when we had to start moving out of the studio.

In the time between then and now, I had one hell of a rough year. I'd been wanting to build upon this idea and do more, but had no place to do it. I didn't have a "space" to work on stuff, nor the privacy. Also, these videos were actually just me practicing an idea for a bigger, similar project. It took a while to even "feel" like making something, but I'd been pushing myself to get back into drawing and writing and stuff and at some point in the past couple of weeks, I thought I'd make another one.

There's a few differences in the format, but it ultimately fits within the same project. I didn't bother putting any kind of "green screen" behind me. I don't think that would've added much. This one isn't particularly any "one" holiday, but it's mostly a Christmas thing. The decision behind that wasn't necessarily to not exclude all of the other holidays, but to keep a sense of ambiguity about the video. Even with the New Year's video, a lot of "the point" was for it to apply to any year's New Year's Eve. Especially since it's filmed with an older camcorder; I didn't want it to lean too heavily on a thing of "when does this take place?". There's a part of me that almost imagines these videos taking place in a future where the "me" in the video is the only person left on Earth, and he is just entertaining himself by making these extravagant, shitty, little shows. Finally, the thing that is notably different about this one is that it took me about a week to make instead of the course of one night.

I think the fact that this one took longer is partially because I didn't want to mess up my sleep schedule by working on this until morning, which is definitely a healthy decision. There's other reasons, but not really worth describing. I'm glad that I took time because I became OK with having it be a shorter video, too. The original idea that I kind of scribbled onto a piece of paper would've been more work than it would've needed to be. Actually, yeah I think I decided to do this one because I probably just drank some coffee and had a sheet of paper readily available. It's the first time I even "story-boarded" one of these.

One thing that I realized while making this was that these videos are not "comedy" videos. Especially not this one. The Original, NYE video, I wanted to treat as though it were a "short film". I think that's a realistic enough goal to have. I don't think people think of this kind of thing as a short film, but as far as I'm concerned, it has all of the elements. I'll probably save that argument for another time. The point I'm making about the recent one is that it's really just kinda sad and none of what I'm saying is a "joke". I've been watching it repeatedly as I edit it, so if there ever was any humor, it's gone for me for a while.

I don't know if this video will come across as funny to anyone. I almost can't imagine anyone seeing the "character" in this video portraying anything other than, just, depression. My on-camera persona just kind of stares blankly into the camera. I just think it's funny that the person hosting the show is creatively bankrupt and isn't actually saying anything. In real life, I only had 5 minutes per "take" to improvise stuff, so I have to make the most of what I've filmed and it's not gonna be the "best" stuff I could've said with that time. Most of this video is just me listing stuff.

There was a portion of the video that I ultimately decided not to do anything with. I might use it later, but I think I made my point. I was going to do a whole thing where I'm talking to Santa Claus.

After all the dumb stuff that's going on, I just figured it would be nice to talk to Santa. Plus it's just kind of funny to feature the Santa Claus giving me his actual approval. This video is basically a ritual for me. Most of my projects are. I'm manifesting hope and peace of mind here.

Personally, this is the first year in a long time that I don't see a lot people making a whole show out of "Fuck this year!" as if they didn't feel the same way the year before. I usually have a good time, but this is the first noticeably bad year I've had in a while. Most of it was just bad. But I really enjoyed how I portrayed that in this video. I'm able to make light of it, finally. It's finally funny to me, and I'm prepared to be open about it. It's all silly. I'm the type of person that genuinely believes in a "New" year. I don't have the patience for the cynical "the new year is just another day" type shit. I sincerely want to throw the "badness" of this year into a literal, physical trash can. And I think this video is what that represents, for me.

I may need to do a Part 2 to this post, though. I had a lot of "save this for later" thoughts. I don't think I got into enough detail. Plus there's another half to the video I didn't even explain. But I'm tired as a mf.

PART TWO: https://remitora.blogspot.com/2022/12/holiday-pt-2.html