nebulous

 Nothing much. I remembered that I forgot to share some pictures here. Here's one:

It's one of the "doodles" I draw on my desktop calendar when there’s just space. I think I wanted to do one of those aviation goggle hats, but kinda didn't decide on a singular perspective, so it's mangled and that's fine because it's exclusively a doodle. Then I drew a face; someone wearing it, and I think it kinda looks like my niece. It would be funny to put her in one of those costumes.

There's plenty more doodles on my desktop calendar, but what do you do with those? I'd been meaning to scan them or take pictures, but that's so little of a priority. I think it's really interesting. Earnest doodles where I'm sitting at my desk, avoiding doing something and in that idle time I just draw. A pureness that I keep forgetting about, when I keep pressuring myself to create stuff because it constantly feels like time is catching up. Now I'm on the fence-- do I talk more about that feeling of panic rather than just enjoying drawing? Was I gonna talk about something else? Wasn't I about to do something else before I started this entry? I should, you know, do some laundry or something. At least it's something, but so is this, except this has no time restriction. I could write about anything. Random ass time of day: 2:26 PM. Like, ok? Watch me start laundry, forget to put it in the dryer, go outside, hop on the bus, come up with things that I shoulda did before I left the house, get downtown and stand there in a stupor-- having forgotten why I'm even in the city, then remember: I left my "chest bag" at work and I also might have some money to pick up. My wallet and keys are in that bag. A $10 bill and the necklace with ashes in it. Ok, too real. I just don't know who to contact, and I want to pop two birds with one stone if I'm going downtown, at least. That's how I phrased it in my handwritten journal. "Popping two birds" because I don't want to destroy hypothetical birds, for some reason. Well. There's no guarantee that they won't pass on, after having popped them. Anyway, if you're reading this, you're witnessing my (actual) thoughts. Although, am I filtering it all?

That's the thing with having the most recent post be the first thing people see when they open this page. There's not the drawn out explanation I've had about "writing how I talk" etc. Well. Good readers are good readers. I'm not a good reader, technically, but I can figure things out. I "get the idea". Having this kind of attention span actually just comes out as a sort of "divination". You don't necessarily read what's written, you read what you're meant to read. A combination of skimming, "vibes," context, and a constant and open conversation with the personified universe itself. "Personified," being a strong word.

So yeah. If I was going to talk about drawing, like I mentioned above, I've definitely botched that.

There was definitely a bunch of stuff I was supposed to do today. I woke up early. Almost made a list. But it's suddenly almost 3. I don't have to explain it. I'm gonna put on a sweater, and a coat (then possibly regret it, depending on the weather and how fast I walk). Wait, no that's not what's next. I should stop here, and just continue my day!